The entire synopsis of Breaking Dawn Pt 1...
everything is so awkward and forced
they are taking turns eyeing the bed
they are going skinny dipping
I think the presex montage just happened
she like...shaved her legs and shit
who doesn't do that before they leave for their honeymoon?!
we are halfway through this film and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED
they got married and had sex
literally not a thing else
they're now playing chess
she keeps trying to seduce him and he's laughing at her WORST MARRIAGE
oooh playing chess again!
they just had a montage of their honeymoon and all that happened is thye played a lot of chess, she tried to fuck him and he ran away
oh god she's begging now
this is honestly awkward softcore porn
and now she's vomiting into the toilet
nothing happens in this god
it's just a bunch of shitty subplots
the wolves are so shit
THIS IS SO BAD
weird ass telepathic wolf pow wow shit
I don't even know what's going on
THE FETUS ISN'T COMPATIBLE
I'm really glad that in Twilight world, they make skinny jeans that fit over evil fetus baby bumps
oh god Bella's drinking blood
I'm taking a shot
the cup says FREE REFILLS ON IT
Bella just chose "renesmee" for the baby's name and this child will be beat up for the rest of it's life
OH MY GOD SHE IS GIVING BIRTH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
"GET HIM OUT OF ME"
loads of screaming and flashing and she looks like a skeleton
aaaand Edward ripped open her stomach with his mouth
the baby is a bloody mess and they just called it beautiful. I mean, I don't really do babies, but like...I'm pretty sure that just looks like meat
there is just blood everywhere and edward just stabbed her in the heart with his venom and what the HELL
Bella seems to have died, but Edward is just biting her everywhere and OH HOLY GOD IT'S SCIENCE
HER BLOOD IS FREEZING
the worst thing? Kristen Stewart's face hasn't changed.
she just gave birth and then died
without a flicker of emotion
Jacob has just seen the baby and he's in lo0o0o0ove
this is the creepiest scene ever
he just fell to his knees in front of a baby
I just want to be a fly on the wall during this filming
uh oh vampire v wolf death match
oh jk rules and shit
wolf can't harm future lovers of other wolves
so much for bros before hoes, shit
meanwhile, Bella is serving her purpose well. laying on a table with the occasional SCIENCE into her body
she's becoming a vampire, which apparently includes permanent eyeshadow. so, that makes life easier.
you know how on tumblr, they have those picture sequences where it slowly gets closer to someones face?
that was just an actual shot in Breaking Dawn
jacob, Jacob, JACOB
AND THEN HAWT VAMPY BELLA OPENED HER EYES WITH MIRACULOUSLY NEWLY LONG EYELASHES AND THE FILM ENDED
I require the last two hours of my life back
who do I go for for that
If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you...– Anthony Bourdain